hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I need help removing her.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
