Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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