We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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