I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
