I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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