Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
