i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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