I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize