this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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