I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
