It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
