I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We have so much sex to catch up on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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