i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
