If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
