I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
