In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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