I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
