you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Please don't give away my fajitas
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
