You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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