Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
