my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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