Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize