its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
