Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
