she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
