Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
