I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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