Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
