I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
