8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need water and some morals
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
