thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
