Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize