I love black thongs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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