I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
