I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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