I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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