I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize