How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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