Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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