I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize