My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
