Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
