when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
