I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
