her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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