The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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