I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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