My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
