We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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