Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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