Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
