Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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