Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
