bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
