When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
