kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
