I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
