I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
