No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
