I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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