I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
