The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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