A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
