Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
