I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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