wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
