hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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