Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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