they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your penis caused this!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
