I just pynch a tree in the face
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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