HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
