my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize