just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
